So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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