Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
