you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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