Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
