That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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