Nicole vs. Life
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
