Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
