The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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