I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
