I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
