connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
