i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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