i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I came so hard my ears popped.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
