I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
