sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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