My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
