I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
