Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
