Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
