Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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