ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
