I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
