Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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