I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
