I can text with my tongue
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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