i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
