I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
