its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
