Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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