when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
