Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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