I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
