3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Randomize
