It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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