He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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