I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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