A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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