He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
