Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
