I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
