I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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