I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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