Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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