my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will pee on everything he values.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
