I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
