i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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