but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
