When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
