and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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