Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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