I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
