Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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