Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
